A Loss is a Loss, and a Win is a Win
by rachel-rage
Summary: Last glee club meeting of the year, and two girls are missing. Where've they gone?


A/N: If you've been directed her from an author alert from when I was writing Chuck FF- I'm really sorry I never finished any of those stories. But hey, what a finale last week, huh?

This is my first Glee fic, although I've been obsessed with it since day one. I don't ship Rachel and Quinn in canon (that'd be so weird) but I love reading their coupling in fic, so here's my take on the last glee club meeting after Nationals. In this version, Finn did kiss Rachel onstage, but she only allowed it as not to embarrass herself and him in front of the audience. They do talk in the library, but they don't kiss or reconcile their relationship.

I don't own Glee, just taking some characters for a spin. Enjoy!

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><p>Despite the good natured celebration all around her, Quinn couldn't help but to heave a sigh and run her fingers through her newly shorn hair.<p>

She was pleased, of course, with New Direction's efforts in Nationals. Despite evidence to the contrary, she loved glee club. In truth, placing 12th out of fifty in their first effort was a triumph. Next year would be their year. They'd win it all, likely on the back of Rachel's hard work. Santana and Brittany had made her see past her instinctive and petty anger, into the true reason she was so upset when Finn dumped her. It was Rachel. She knew, now, that Finn would try and win Rachel back. And it pained her, deeply.

See, contrary to popular belief, Quinn really felt nothing for Finn. He was boyishly good looking, and had an honest and good soul, but frankly, he was as dumb as a bag of sand but far more fickle. Never able to decide which girl he wanted- what he truly wanted was what he couldn't have. He'd been pleased with Quinn until Rachel strode into his life, in her short skirts and brightly colored tights, and showed him that he could be happy with someone else. But then Rachel had hurt him, and he'd returned to wanting Quinn. And now, he desired Rachel again. Frankly, he gave Quinn whiplash.

No, it had been a long time since Quinn had truly wanted Finn. Not since the baby. Not since Rachel had shown her a kindness many withheld, a kindness that Rachel had no reason to offer but offered anyway. The realization that she had a crush on Rachel Berry was startling, but she had quickly grown used to it. Pushing her feelings down had not worked out for her in the past, and she had no intention of repeating it. But she had continued to chase Finn. Sure, she wanted prom queen, and Finn would be her best chance at that, but her pursuit of him had been more than that. Clearly, without her in the picture, Finn would chase Rachel. And Rachel deserved better. Rachel deserved someone who would listen to her, push her forward, not hold her back. Quinn had no illusions that she was better than Finn in that regard. Even without her prom queen aspirations, she knew she'd go no further in life than a bullshit degree at OSU, but she, at least, would never hold Rachel back from her Broadway dreams.

As she watched her teammates celebrate, Quinn simply needed a moment for herself. She rose from her seat in between Brittany and Tina, passed Santana with a quick touch to her shoulder, and then quickly but calmly walked out of the choir room.

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><p>Rachel glowed. Well, she always glowed, as a result of the shimmer powder she made sure to never run out of, but today, Rachel glowed from within. Despite a loss at Nationals that stung her deeply- and no matter what spin they placed on it, it was a loss- she was immensely pleased. Her team was coming together. They would be stronger for their defeat, and return to the competition stage better than ever, with a summer's prep work to guide them. Even with the blame for the loss placed squarely, if unfairly on her shoulders, Rachel felt a deep affection for everyone in the room, with the exception of Finn. She gritted her teeth as she listened to Artie beatbox in the middle of the room. She could still feel his lips on hers, and it still felt wrong. She'd forgiven him, of course, but not forgotten.<p>

Their little talk in the library had been well meaning. He'd apologized, for kissing her onstage. He'd said it was worth it for him, and surprisingly accepted her answer with grace when she'd explained that for her, it wasn't. They'd returned to glee with smiles, although Finn's hid a layer of sadness she was sure would convert to determination over their summer break.

She surveyed the room like a mother hen viewing her chicks. Finn, Puck and Sam were playing some idiotic game which involved punching each other in the corner. Brittany and Tina were circled around Artie, playing rap artist, while Mike, Mercedes, Kurt, and Lauren were rolling their eyes at some story of Mr. Schue's. The only person missing was Quinn. Rachel had seen her exit the room shortly prior. She wasn't stupid- she'd been avoiding Quinn since her breakup with Finn. Although all she wanted was to comfort her, run her hands through Quinn's shorter hair, she kept her distance. In truth, although she'd been trying to keep her distance from a long time, and minimize the sting she always felt in Quinn's presence, she constantly found herself in Quinn's company. Now especially, in the wake of a loss which she thought would sting Quinn in particular, and as team captain, she felt it necessary to check up in Quinn.

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><p>"You found me, huh?" Quinn said, as she felt Rachel sit next to her on the stands at the football field. She'd smelled sandalwood and a hint of vanilla, and heard Rachel clear her throat. She had to put off the speech she was sure Rachel was preparing to make. If Rachel started talking, she'd want to kiss her to make her stop.<p>

"No one's here. School's out and you weren't with the rest of the team. Not too hard to find," Rachel replied. "Are you alright?"

Quinn sighed. Rachel felt, rather than saw, the white cotton of her dress rustle next to her, smelled the sea breeze and fresh cotton scent that rolled off of Quinn.

"Sure. Tough loss though. Not really accustomed to those."

"No, you wouldn't be. But we'll come back better, stronger," Rachel said, "And next year, hopefully some of the tension will be gone."

They looked at each other.

"Nope," the two said in unison.

"I'm sorry, by the way," Rachel started. Quinn turned to her, startled by an apology. Rachel had no reason to apologize, Finn had kissed her and she couldn't force him away from her during a performance. Rachel had sang beautifully, raising goosebumps on Quinn's arms. She was the only reason they'd placed 12th and not last. "I know, watching Finn with me on stage…it must have hurt. And I didn't want you to feel that, Quinn."

And Quinn knew. She thought she'd known for a while now. Since Rachel had heard of Finn dumping her and not going straight after him, since their talk in the girl's room at prom, since their duet about Rachel's nose job. She felt her heart clench. Despite all her efforts, Rachel was forming an attachment in Lima, Ohio. She was forming a relationship that would prevent her from achieving her dreams. But in every one of her wildest dreams, her daydreams that kept her going, she'd never imagined that Rachel could fall for her.

"Why, Rachel? Why would you want to spare me pain?" Quinn

Rachel looked up. Quinn's eyes, normally hard like amber in a mold, were soft and warm. They seemed almost golden, like heather in a field. And despite all her fear, Rachel finally felt brave enough to do what she'd wanted to for so long.

"Because, I love you, Quinn. " Rachel said. Despite the tender moment, Rachel's voice was as loud and clear as a bell, as determined as she'd ever been. She wasn't, never would be embarrassed of her own feelings. It was out now, and she'd never get it back. No matter what happened, Rachel would live with the repercussions of this action with her head held high.

And then Rachel felt a sea breeze again, fingertips pressed along her jaw, and a warm hand on her knee.

"I love you, Rachel. Seeing you with Finn didn't hurt me because of him. It hurt me because of you. It's always been you," Quinn whispered.

And Quinn took Rachel's hand in hers, glowing in her personal victory. 12th place at Nationals- first place at Nationals, for that matter- could never compare to this.


End file.
